This was an interesting episode. Thankfully the sadness has passed. My body and brain are so miswired. I read my last post, and I was indeed truly sad, but without reading that post, I really do not remember it being that bad. If you asked me today how I have been, my response would be, I feel amazing.
It did not get better after the sadness episode. After the sadness came the worst thing I could have possibly imagine. Some of the original symptoms from 15 months ago: I was freezing, my fingers turned back into ice sickles and none of my children wanted me to touch them, my heart would start racing for no reason, I would have unexplained waves of anxiety. Then there were all the emotions. I was mad because I have been through so much this past year and to be back here means everything I have done has not worked. I also convinced myself that this was never going to go away. (I think I was still not over the depression episode yet) This all lead to a call to my ND. With the big questions, REALLY are you kidding me? I am so done! I have done everything in my power get passed all of this yuckiness.
She is really the best thing ever for me… We chatted, okay I whined and she listened. Then with a smile in her voice, she explains to me that this is a good thing. What, are you serious? Then she asked if it was a bad as before. Of course I had to say no, last time I stayed in bed for the better part of 6 weeks and existed for another 6 weeks. I remember how awful it was. This really was a walk in the park in comparison. But the fact that I felt any of those symptoms threw me for a loop.
Now I bet you are curious how this is a good thing? It simply means that whatever the cause this batch of symptoms, whether the virus or the bacteria, was most likely exposed. The symptoms were less because I had lots of good guys in my system fighting it. That is where the battle is currently being fought, and I just felt some of the affects. I have to admit it, it all sounds a little crazy. But it is working. I really am sooooo much better than I was. I just want to be all better. I want to live in the fairy tale, and she lived healthily ever after! (Happiness is of my own making!)
My ND did leave me with a small warning, and I am going to put it here so I don’t forget it ;-)
I hope I can put it in the right words. This is a slow and meticulous process. The symptoms that hit me are what I call the original symptoms, but the probably are not. They just were bad enough to get my attention. Now we are heading into uncharted wilderness, the time before I took notice of what my body was telling me. Now the battles that my body fights are going to be ones that I may not have understood when I was having an off day that I was really ill. She explained that I did not get to where I landed overnight. It was a culmination of whatever this is getting the upper hand.
I don’t know what lies ahead, but I am much better then what I was. I am grateful and fell truly blessed to have come this far.
Merry Christmas
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