The Final Frontier

This was an interesting episode. Thankfully the sadness has passed. My body and brain are so miswired. I read my last post, and I was indeed truly sad, but without reading that post, I really do not remember it being that bad. If you asked me today how I have been, my response would be, I feel amazing.

It did not get better after the sadness episode. After the sadness came the worst thing I could have possibly imagine. Some of the original symptoms from 15 months ago: I was freezing, my fingers turned back into ice sickles and none of my children wanted me to touch them, my heart would start racing for no reason, I would have unexplained waves of anxiety. Then there were all the emotions. I was mad because I have been through so much this past year and to be back here means everything I have done has not worked. I also convinced myself that this was never going to go away. (I think I was still not over the depression episode yet) This all lead to a call to my ND. With the big questions, REALLY are you kidding me? I am so done! I have done everything in my power get passed all of this yuckiness.

She is really the best thing ever for me… We chatted, okay I whined and she listened. Then with a smile in her voice, she explains to me that this is a good thing. What, are you serious? Then she asked if it was a bad as before. Of course I had to say no, last time I stayed in bed for the better part of 6 weeks and existed for another 6 weeks. I remember how awful it was. This really was a walk in the park in comparison. But the fact that I felt any of those symptoms threw me for a loop.

Now I bet you are curious how this is a good thing? It simply means that whatever the cause this batch of symptoms, whether the virus or the bacteria, was most likely exposed. The symptoms were less because I had lots of good guys in my system fighting it. That is where the battle is currently being fought, and I just felt some of the affects. I have to admit it, it all sounds a little crazy. But it is working. I really am sooooo much better than I was. I just want to be all better. I want to live in the fairy tale, and she lived healthily ever after! (Happiness is of my own making!)

My ND did leave me with a small warning, and I am going to put it here so I don’t forget it ;-)

I hope I can put it in the right words. This is a slow and meticulous process. The symptoms that hit me are what I call the original symptoms, but the probably are not. They just were bad enough to get my attention. Now we are heading into uncharted wilderness, the time before I took notice of what my body was telling me. Now the battles that my body fights are going to be ones that I may not have understood when I was having an off day that I was really ill. She explained that I did not get to where I landed overnight. It was a culmination of whatever this is getting the upper hand.

I don’t know what lies ahead, but I am much better then what I was. I am grateful and fell truly blessed to have come this far.

Merry Christmas

This is the song that never ends….

It just goes ON and ON my friends
Some people started singn’ it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue singn’ it forever just because.

I am so done singing… I had a rough weekend. It actually cumulated in a train wreck. It had been building for a while. I just thought if I ignored it… well you know.

I have been so sad. I could not understand it, nor could not explain it and I could not pull myself out of it. It did not matter what I did. I tried all my proven tricks, nothing worked. I did lots of crying, I even just went to bed for a while just to try to figure it out. I was not successful until this morning. I noticed something was familiar. Then it hit me like a ton of lead bricks. It just changed forms. It is another infamous “Episode”. I knew that the ‘episodes’ affected my emotional well being, but I had so many physically symptoms that I did not pay attention to the emotional symptoms. Now to experience one with no physically symptoms to help dilute the emotional part was more then I could bear.

I used to blame it on something, usually something I ate that I should not have. Not this time. I have been so good. It resulted in a frantic call to my ND this morning. I was upset and I wanted answers. When is this ever going to end!

She had a great analogy. She said we were peeling and onion. We have to take it layer by layer. We were so focused on the physical symptoms that even though we were supporting my emotional system, it took the back burner to the more pressing symptoms. Now we need to focus on this layer.

I have become way too high maintenance. I hate being high maintenance.

Here is what I already know. 85% of serotonin is made in the gut. So I would think that healing my gut would make this all better. Wrong! Medications like Prozac and Paxil make the serotonin in your body more readily available. They do not create it. If your body does not have any serotonin then those medicines will not help you. What I have been taking are the building blocks of serotonin. I thought I was covered. Here is what I learned today. There are 15 different types of neurotransmitter, Serotonin being just one of them. Serotonin is the most common one they treat, but it may not be the one that I am deficient in. It landed me another lab test. This is hopefully it.

I have a goal. I really think it is one I can still achieve it. It is to get all my labs and any medical tests taken care of before January 1st and not touch my medical deductible next year. Is that too much to ask? ;-)

BTW this is one of my favoritest obnoxious songs ever!

The next installment

I had a nice visit with my ND this week. She was very happy with the progress we are making. So am I, well I was, well I am…well let’s just say the jury is still out. That seems to be the problem I am having. I am having a hard time, even with all the evidence and good health I am enjoying that this is really going to work. After so much money and doctors, it is really this easy? I could tell my ND was irritated when I explained this to her. I think because I have held my breath for every test and every new doctor for over a year, now I am here and I can’t believe it is true.

We made some supplement changes this week. She switched my gut regiment. I went from something that works on absorption and inflammation, to a new “magic box” that is going to stop the immune reaction in my gut. She did not want to get my hopes up, but for some of her patients this box is magic for them. I could use a little magic.

I am still on the enzyme. I finally reached full dose on Tuesday. I could tell the day I reached it. She warned me that I might feel flu like. YEP, I feel like I have the flu. I ache all over, my sinuses and throat hurt and I fall in bed at night, but I will take it. I am still upright and able to take care of myself and my family. She did however, failed to mention how long I could expect to feel this way. I am hoping for just a couple of days. I guess I can’t expect to be the war zone and not feel some of the affects of the battle.

The best part of all is I only have to take the magic box’s contents for the 6 week duration then I am done treating my gut. No more ordering more and more supplements. I also don’t have to see her again until February. YIPEE! She also said I could finish up some of the supplements and lessened the does on another. I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. (hoping to find a money tree is there too ;-) I just hope that there are no more detours.