This is the song that never ends….

It just goes ON and ON my friends
Some people started singn’ it not knowing what is was
And they’ll continue singn’ it forever just because.

I am so done singing… I had a rough weekend. It actually cumulated in a train wreck. It had been building for a while. I just thought if I ignored it… well you know.

I have been so sad. I could not understand it, nor could not explain it and I could not pull myself out of it. It did not matter what I did. I tried all my proven tricks, nothing worked. I did lots of crying, I even just went to bed for a while just to try to figure it out. I was not successful until this morning. I noticed something was familiar. Then it hit me like a ton of lead bricks. It just changed forms. It is another infamous “Episode”. I knew that the ‘episodes’ affected my emotional well being, but I had so many physically symptoms that I did not pay attention to the emotional symptoms. Now to experience one with no physically symptoms to help dilute the emotional part was more then I could bear.

I used to blame it on something, usually something I ate that I should not have. Not this time. I have been so good. It resulted in a frantic call to my ND this morning. I was upset and I wanted answers. When is this ever going to end!

She had a great analogy. She said we were peeling and onion. We have to take it layer by layer. We were so focused on the physical symptoms that even though we were supporting my emotional system, it took the back burner to the more pressing symptoms. Now we need to focus on this layer.

I have become way too high maintenance. I hate being high maintenance.

Here is what I already know. 85% of serotonin is made in the gut. So I would think that healing my gut would make this all better. Wrong! Medications like Prozac and Paxil make the serotonin in your body more readily available. They do not create it. If your body does not have any serotonin then those medicines will not help you. What I have been taking are the building blocks of serotonin. I thought I was covered. Here is what I learned today. There are 15 different types of neurotransmitter, Serotonin being just one of them. Serotonin is the most common one they treat, but it may not be the one that I am deficient in. It landed me another lab test. This is hopefully it.

I have a goal. I really think it is one I can still achieve it. It is to get all my labs and any medical tests taken care of before January 1st and not touch my medical deductible next year. Is that too much to ask? ;-)

BTW this is one of my favoritest obnoxious songs ever!